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devil duck

Nature red in tooth and claw...

So I was walking the Things yesterday afternoon, and we met an Extremely Irate Mockingbird. It screeched at us for a minute or so from the top of a fence while the Things obliviously sniffed and grazed. Since we hadn't yet gotten the hint and moved on, it attacked, dive-bombing each of the Things several times, and hovering in the air two feet from my face scolding me. I don't think Thing Two noticed: the bird always went for his backside, and never actually made contact, pulling up each time with inches to spare. Thing One noticed, in his stolid way, giving a look that said "gee, who peed in HIS cornflakes?". Eventually we went on with our walk, coming back on the other side of the street... and here came that bird again, swooping across the street and missing us by inches.

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One year a catbird made a nest in our front rosebush. "Oh how sweet!" we thought, until the eggs were laid and the catbird suddenly became a shrieking, dive-bombing demon. Birds can be quite vicious for something so small.

Birds...don't talk to me about birds...

The macaw which lives at my place of employment screams regularly and irregularly for no apparent reason like a child having a tantrum. It has a large, can-opener-like beak attached to its face and may bite anyone it can reach at any time for no apparent reason. It destroys the toys procured for its benefit at a frightening rate. It relieves itself almost constantly and prefers to wait until someone takes it out of its cage to do so. (EVERY home should have one!)

The other people in the house try to coax it out of its perpetual bad temper by cooing its name, or saying "Hello" (the word it knows best) or "LOVE YOU".

As part of my constant battle to keep my sanity, for the last two years I've been cooing, "Kentucky Fried Parrot!" or (sotto voce) "F&c# off and die..."

Re: Birds...don't talk to me about birds...

Try teaching it to say "[Kid's Name Here]'s eating baaaaaaacon..." :->