Log in

No account? Create an account

push polling

I just received my "Official 2008 Citizens Census," which "has been registered to [me] as a representative of all patriotic Americans living in [my] voting district." Wow... I feel so special....

"Even if you are undecided about some of the questions, I must have your CENSUS DOCUMENT within seven days to ensure we receive accurate and ample results." Let's see... seven days from today would be... five days before my state primary.

"Make no mistake, if you fail to compile this critical Citizens Census, then the Clinton/Obama/Reid/Pelosi liberal agenda -- supported by MoveOn.org, Big Labor bosses, gun-grabbers and the big government leftists -- will become the law of the land."
Well, we couldn't have that: Clinton, Obama, Reid, and Pelosi are all way too cozy with the Bush administration. I dunno about big government leftists; they might be an improvement over big government rightists. Although I don't see how returning this census will have any effect on any of those people.

The actual survey is so blatantly "push" it's funny.

Should we give our troops everything they need to fight our enemies?

Well, maps of Washington, DC can't be that expensive... but I'd rather pursue regime change through peaceful means, if possible.

Are you in favor of military action against rogue states that pursue nuclear weapons?

... and don't find any, despite repeated assurances that "we know where they are"?

Do you think the U.S. should support Israel against Islamo-fascist terrorism?

The closest thing I know of to an Islamic and fascist government is Iran, which AFAIK isn't engaging in terrorism against Israel; it's too busy with Iraq. Iraq used to be fascist, but it was a secular government, and it wasn't engaging in terrorism against Israel; it was too busy with Iran.

Should American soldiers serve only under American military commanders, not U.N. bureaucrats?

Actually, American bureaucrats would be even better -- look at how well they've done in Iraq.

Are you in favor of America withholding dues from the U.N. until they enact serious reforms that reduce the power and influence of third-world dictatorships?

What do U.N. dues have to do with it? Let's cut out the middle man and enact serious reforms ourselves, like not creating and propping up third-world dictatorships.

Do you think we should ensure that programs like college tuition aid and health care assistance go only to low-income Americans, not illegal aliens?

No, I think those things should continue going to high-income Americans.

Are you in favor of reducing the income tax burden on American families?

Only mine; the rest of you can pick up my share.

Should Congress permanently repeal the Death Tax?

Yes; if people are taxed for dying, poor people may be unable to afford to do so, and we have too many poor people already.

Do you think there are too many burdensome restrictions on small businesses?

Yes. I favor only one burdensome restriction: "Be Excellent To Each Other"

Should we fight any attempt to create a federal database of gun owners?

Yes, with guns.

The survey is, of course, followed with an appeal for donations to "fight back against Hillary Clinton and her radical leftist allies." If you can't afford that, you're supposed to enclose $13 to cover the cost of tabulating your census.

How in the #$**(&^@$!%^$#*%^ did I get on this mailing list?


Published by people politically to the right of Giuliani?
Theory on you you got on that list...

Some foolish list maker failed to recognize sarcasm when you answered this question:

Are you in favor of reducing the income tax burden on American families?

With this truly Republican sentiment:

Only mine; the rest of you can pick up my share.

I am singing your praises and reveling in your glory though, for your first answer is brilliant, insightful, and very quotable... may I quote you?


Should we fight any attempt to create a federal database of gun owners?

Yes, with guns.

I'm picturing some computer-input worker in a tiny cubible being menaced by some clone of Dog the Bounty Hunter:
"I said click 'delete'! CLICK IT !!!!!!!!!!!"

You may be overestimating their ability to discern sarcasm/satire 8)